Stop letting fear get in the way of what you want
When you learn that every jump takes you to the destination that matters, and that you can navigate the waters you're in, you break free from anxiety and overcome fear, discovers Lauren Cook
Fear is a powerful demotivator, but reframing those thoughts can help you overcome fear and thrive instead. Here’s why you should take that leap of faith.
Imagine yourself staring up at a 33ft diving board. You can feel your stomach dropping already, but you start to climb the ladder. You may notice that your knees are buckling, your hands are clammy, and itโs starting to feel hard to breathe.
As you get to the top of the diving board, you look down and start to feel a little wobbly. You may mutter an expletive or two under your breath because, dang, this is higher up than you realised.
As you stand on the edge, you look down at the water below.
This is the moment. Do you jump in? Do you take that leap of faith? Or do you step back and feel the board tremble?
Whether or not youโve stood on a high dive before, weโve all been there before, figuratively speaking. Itโs that feeling right before we get on stage to give a speech, before we tell someone we like them, or before we tell someone theyโve hurt us.
With each jump, we realise something profound. We learn that we can swim. We learn once we hit the water that weโre capable. We see that we are no longer a victim of our fear. We also start to see that the feeling of vulnerability doesnโt last forever. When we go for it, thereโs a sense of bravery that no one can ever take away from us. We see in that moment that we are more powerful than our anxiety.
So where are you in this narrative? Are you jumping in โ or slowly stepping away from the edge of the board? The problem is, when it comes to anxiety, many of us sit on the ledge and just look down. We wonder, โWhat if I canโt swim?โ, โWhat if I hit my head?โ, โWhat if itโs scary?โ, โWhat if the waterโs cold?โ
Hereโs the translation: What if they reject me? What if I fail? What if I look like an idiot? What if? What if? What if? Letโs break these โwhat-ifsโ down and reframe them as what they may actually represent:
โWhat if they reject me?โ
The reframe: Rejection is actually a great gift and a time-saver. Rejection helps us identify the people and experiences that may not be for us, so that we can get on to finding the right opportunities and connections instead.
โWhat if I fail?โ
The reframe: Youโll learn invaluable information each time you fail. It will sharpen your skills for next time around. โFailureโ is a sign that you are showing up for your life and putting yourself out there so that you can learn.
โWhat if I look like an idiot?โ
The reframe: If someone judges you for putting yourself out there, that says more about their own insecurities. Yes, being a beginner may mean you look silly or even ignorant. Trust that others will have compassion for your learning process, and give yourself credit for leaning into growth.
If youโre feeling stuck, you need to ask yourself this question: โWhen I look back on my life, do I want to have lived bravely, jumping off my diving board, or do I want to have stayed where I was?โ When we think about where we stand, this is ultimately highlighting the difference between five seconds of courage and five minutes or five years of regret.
Weโve all been there before. Whether you literally got on a diving board and then turned around, or you passed on a potentially great opportunity, you may find yourself wondering, โWhat if I had been brave?โ Ironic, isnโt it, that the โwhat-if โ question is coming back around.
Soโฆ what if? What if you were bold enough to believe you had a chance? What if you just went for it? What if you saw what was on the other side?
Think of all the times you have been brave enough to dive in. I guarantee, every time youโve made a choice in your life out of courage, rather than fear, something transformative has happened. An incredible person may have come into your life. You may have created something magnificent for others to enjoy. You may have learned something invaluable that no one can ever take away. Major bonus: that anxiety that was trying to stop you also probably got a lot smaller. Every time we face a fear, anxiety loses its power, brick by brick.
We all know the opposite feeling, though. Itโs that feeling when we donโt jump off the board and we turn around to climb back down the ladder. But letโs be honest, when we crawl back down, internally, it feels so good for a split second, doesnโt it? That relief of avoidance is tremendous. Itโs that text where we cancel our plans for the night, the day we call in sick when weโre totally fine, and that moment when we say, โCount me outโ. It can feel glorious.
But what about after that initial moment of relief? We start to hear that little voice in our head say, โBut what if you did it? What if you jumped in the pool?โ Thereโs that darn โwhat-ifโ again.
But, sometimes, weโll never know. Some of us try to go through life never getting in the pool. Weโve convinced ourselves that we canโt swim. Now, Iโm not trying to guilt or shame you. Sometimes we do have to pull back. Sometimes the board is too high and if we took that leap, weโd end up with a broken leg. This is where you need to have some self-compassion.
Sometimes you do need to say no and walk off the diving board. Thatโs totally okay. We have to take a break sometimes, and when you do pull back, be kind to yourself in that process. Being brave and vulnerable takes a lot of mental (and physical) energy, and sometimes we simply donโt have it. Shaming ourselves isnโt going to make it any easier to jump next time.
However, we need to get back on the board when we can (and likely before weโre fully ready). Itโs not meant to be easy. We have to be intentional about giving ourselves that little nudge to climb up because every time we pull back, it gets harder and harder to jump off.
Take the example of someone who wants to find a partner and is actively dating. At first, it feels scary to ask someone whether you can kiss them, right? They may reject you and it could be cringey if theyโre not vibing with you. But if you let this fear hold you back, the bar lowers each time. Before you know it, it feels too scary to even go on a dating app and simply text someone.
We start to doubt our abilities and, sooner or later, weโre in a long-term relationship with Netflix and online shopping. You can see how it cascades quickly because fear can have that kind of power over our lives.
Fear can be contagious, and it can make us feel weak. When we walk away from ourselves, we have chosen the comfort of familiarity instead of the growth that comes with the unknown. And our brains can be so good at coming up with excuses. Avoidance is sneaky in that way, but I assure you, with baby steps, you will see yourself becoming braver and braver.
You can handle a higher and higher diving board. This is because you begin to learn that each time you jump, you can swim and navigate the waters youโre in. You can handle the vulnerability in the free fall because you know it will get you to the destination that matters to you.
It will bring you back to your values and connect you to the life that you want to be living. Thatโs worth the jump every time. And before you know it, youโll be that kid who canโt stop climbing up and jumping off the board because youโre having so much fun that you practically forget that you were afraid to begin with.
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