Louise Pentland: ‘Connection brings me back to calm’
She’s been called the ‘original influencer’, so what makes millions want to know what author and blogger Louise Pentland is thinking? Holly Treacy meets her to find out…
If you have never come across Louise Pentland’s social media accounts, YouTube channel, or website, you’re probably in the minority. She’s been blogging since 2009 and has millions of followers for one reason: her content is full of joy. But while she was busy sprinkling happiness out into the world at the beginning of this year, she didn’t feel she was experiencing much joy in her own life.
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That’s not to say she didn’t enjoy her life – according to Pentland, she liked the things she was doing: ‘I enjoy being a mum, I enjoy my job, and I enjoy looking after my house,’ she says, ‘but if someone had asked what I did for fun, I wouldn’t have known what to say.
‘That’s when I decided that I was going to begin doing things for myself outside of my children and work, outside of filming for social media, just living.’ Yet, when Pentland began opening herself up to these things, her inner critic kicked in: ‘I felt lazy and negligent, and I was adding all these negative labels to myself,’ she confesses, ‘which no one else was saying; it was my own internal voice. When I really burrowed into it, those were things that I’d been told as a child.
‘My mum died when I was really young,’ Pentland shares. ‘She became ill when I was five years old and passed away [from breast cancer] when I was seven.’ Later, her father remarried, but Pentland found her new stepmother particularly challenging. ‘I was often told I was lazy, forgetful, or not working hard enough, and I think these labels had been laying dormant for a long time. I’d done a lot to be able to cope and plaster over them.’
According to Pentland, she’s always been quite vocal online about wanting to be an amazing mum or really passionate about her career, but on the days she wants to lie down and read a book, that inner voice comes in with additional judgment, putting conditions on her joy.
‘At the start of the year, I decided to be a really present mum, vowing my kids would go to all the clubs at school, and I’d be there with all the right kit on all the right days. But when I took a step back, I realised there were two dads in the picture, too, so my children are well loved and looked after. ‘This year started out as being about joy, but just days in I realised I couldn’t do joy without guilt, so I had to work on guilt-free joy instead.’
So what does guilt-free joy look like to a multi-hyphenate media star?
‘I’m trying to be a lot more intentional about my life,’ says Pentland. ‘I’d always thought that word was a bit wishy-washy, and I didn’t know what it actually meant, but I’m now trying to think about why I’m doing something.’
Obviously, she’ll do all the things you have to do, such as taking the kids to school, but Pentland gives me reading as an example, and admits that even though she loves to pick up a book, she doesn’t always have time. ‘But I do have time to spend 40 minutes scrolling through TikTok when I have nothing on,’ she laughs!
‘I’m not going to give up scrolling, because I do love a scroll hole, but I’m now having five intentional minutes to enjoy social media, and then 35 intentional minutes reading a book. I’ve even started reading my books with highlighter pens, and marking parts that stand out or I find interesting, and it really keeps me present on the page,’ she tells me. ‘It feels so nice, because not only are you doing things you enjoy, but you feel a bit more in control of your time and your mind.’
Does Pentland feel like she’s finally getting the balance right this year? ‘I’m trying! You can burn yourself out quietly – some burnouts everybody knows about and it’s a big deal, but sometimes you can do it silently and carry on. I’m saying “no” to a few more things, which I’m struggling with because the FOMO is real! It’s future FOMO, though – I worry that if I don’t attend an event, I might have missed out on a networking opportunity that could affect an opportunity later down the line.
It’s fast-forward FOMO!’ It’s that anticipatory overthinking that makes its way into her parenting as well, and Pentland admits that the unwavering pressure that you have a tiny human’s life in your hands is one of the greatest lows of motherhood.
‘I always think about my daughters’ futures and question whether I am creating healthy attachments for them or if they are having a good childhood. Will they be mentally stable? Am I bringing trauma into their lives? Am I overcompensating for my own childhood? I almost obsess over their future mental health – then I worry they know I’m obsessing!
‘The highs are creating little humans and watching them flourish; seeing the world through their pure eyes and reliving childhood. I like the creative side of motherhood, such as planning their birthday parties or setting up fun activities and games for when they have friends over. My children still believe in magic, so you get to have a little slice of that, too.
We actually have fairies that live in our house and leave notes sometimes – as well as glitter from their wings all over the landing, which Liam [Louise’s fiancé] absolutely hates! Motherhood has shown me that I have unwavering, endless love, and that I’m gentle.’ She pauses, close to tears, and I notice I am, too. ‘If you grow up in a house where everything is loud, hurtful and aggressive, you don’t have the opportunity to be or feel gentle, so to live a gentle life is really wonderful.’
As our conversation continues, I ask Pentland if she feels as if she is reparenting herself alongside her children? ‘I find so many parallels in my life and my girls’ lives – Darcy went on a school trip recently and I went on a really similar one at the same age.
And I really enjoy redoing parts of my life through them, but as the adult. I don’t know who I’m trying to prove something to other than myself. But it’s quite validating to prove to myself that what happened to me was wrong, and how I’m parenting is right – it makes you feel good.’ Pentland may come across as unwaveringly positive in her professional life, but she’s had to navigate some incredibly painful moments. However, in true Pentland style, she’s always seeking the lessons she can take away and grow from.
‘I got divorced in my 20s and that taught me how deep my strength of heart is,’ she admits. ‘I don’t think I knew love until I got divorced. To fall in love is easy, but to fall out of love and recover takes more depth than I even thought I had.’ This depth of heart is probably why she treasures her female friendships so dearly.
‘Going to university was the happiest life lesson I’ve ever had,’ she shares. ‘Not because I actually learnt anything (although I did study psychology) – but because I found female friendship. I’d had friends at school, but discovering the power of female friendship at university was so healing and sacred. I’m still friends with all seven of those women. They taught me that feminine energy and relying on other women is okay, and you don’t have to harbour everything yourself and solve every problem on your own.’
If there was a word to sum up Pentland, it would be authenticity. She doesn’t pretend to be into the latest wellness trends or self-care, and she’s unapologetic in the causes close to her heart: ‘I wish I could say that I meditate or take long walks, but I don’t,’ she laughs. ‘I have a couple of really close friends that I lean on to chat things through with, then I might have a Wagamamas, a Diet Coke, a bath and a cry, and I’m done! I’m a basic hun – I really like beading and making bracelets. When I’m stringing the beads together, nothing else matters at that moment – it’s very mindful.’ Pentland is quick to acknowledge that it can take deeper work to heal through certain traumas, however.
‘I’ve definitely turned to therapy and medication at certain times in my life; I wouldn’t want anyone to think you can solve everything with a Coke and a chat, but in terms of a singular daily aid, connection brings me back to calm. Women are great at putting things into perspective and providing some rationale, because sometimes we can think things are worse than they actually are. But confiding in your friends can help you see things through a different lens.’
Already an author of five best-selling books, Pentland tells me that writing brings escapism and catharsis into her life. ‘I get to go into another world for a bit,’ she says. ‘Reading a book is one thing, but writing one is even better, because you’re in control and you can make the story however you want it to be. But it can be frustrating at times, especially when you can’t think of any ideas.
‘This is why I had a break from writing a few years ago, as I didn’t know what to write next. But I do have something on the horizon that is very exciting: it’s a children’s book aimed at mid-level (eight- to 12-year-olds), and it has some familiar characters from the Wilde series [Pentland’s previous romantic trilogy, about single mum Robyn Wilde], but there’s an element of magic and fantasy to it.’
She’s also looking forward to working with some children’s charities this year. ‘I’d love to focus on childhood bereavement, as that’s something I’ve dealt with. Any opportunity I get to highlight the work of children’s charities, I take.
‘You never know: someone might come across my post, and you only need to plant that seed in someone for them to help themselves or help somebody else.’ With a new book on the way, and a radio slot, juggling that elusive goal of balance is easier said than done. ‘Social media is a really weird job to have, as I could say I’d like a really chilled year, and before you know it, you’re off gallivanting here, there and everywhere! But I’m trusting that things will happen just as they are meant to.’
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Words: Holly Treacy. Images: Nicky Johnstone