Fertility – focus on yourself

What we assume will come naturally is what we often take most for granted: breathing, walking. Having children?

If you want them – and for a long time, I wasn’t sure I did – then you believe that having them will just happen when you’re ready. I was lucky; my assumption played out without a hitch.

But a beloved relative and two close friends have not been dealt the same hand. All three are 34 – so young! – and being told by GPs and fertility experts that this is not uncommon. Keep trying.

One is in the midst of her third IVF cycle (she’s been trying to conceive for years), and it has to work as she can’t afford any more. Another has been married for five years prompting almost constant ‘so, when will you have kids?’ questions – each one a stinging barb – and the third, bless her, has had three miscarriages in two years. It is not talked about much, but, behind closed doors, it can take over. My friend describes it as a cloak of despair; you wear it constantly, even when you’re laughing, you’re deeply sad inside.

Yet, we often hear of those who cannot make peace with the idea of not having children, and suddenly, it happens, they’re pregnant. Why is that?

I’ve posed this question to the experts at Grace Belgravia, in a bid to get a completely holistic response. What surprised me was just how much of the advice was spiritual and emotional. There was also no denying the obvious – it never quite feels like the right time to step off the career ladder, tighten purse strings and forgo those wide-open freedom years in favour of a new breed of tiredness and unending responsibility. But while many women are – happily and healthily – having babies into their mid-forties, they are still in the minority. See our Related Articles below for more fertility wisdom.

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Photograph: Gallerystock