The Transformative Power of Self-Love

In today’s fast-paced world, where external validation often reigns supreme, self-love has become a revolutionary practice that many overlook.

Cultivating self-love for me has profoundly impacted my habits, self-care, my language, my energy and my overall well-being, and my relationships.

The journey was not about changing me or creating a new me, it was a process of reconnecting to the true essence of me.

In the latest episode 7 of my Mindful Poetic Stories Podcast, I explore the profound impact of self-love, how it’s often misunderstood, and how embracing it can dramatically shift your life for the better.

From my personal journey and coaching experiences, I’ve witnessed the widespread epidemic of low self-esteem and bitter self-judgment, especially in women, both of which I believe stem from a lack of self-love.

Throughout my life, I was forever seeking external validation, constantly questioning my worth. However, I will share a major breakthrough on how I realised that before seeking love from others I needed to first cultivate a deep, unconditional love for myself, and it became an essential part of my journey towards healing and self-empowerment. This realisation and process birthed my poetic story, “Love Letter to Self,”.

Self-love isn’t about being arrogant or self-absorbed, and it’s not about only loving your physical body. It’s about recognising your intrinsic value, embracing your uniqueness, and practicing self-compassion.

My transformative journey began with small steps, awareness of my inner negative reinforcement loops, replacing them with positive affirmations, then moving to mirror work. This led me to the stage where I could consciously decide to extend gestures of love to myself; for example, buying myself flowers, which is something I previously I would have thought of as a luxury, or as a gesture I should only receive from others.

This realisation that I could show myself love, appreciation and respect was profound. I could in fact extend loving gestures to myself, unapologetically.

It wasn’t long before I realised that self-love could also act as a shield against toxic relationships and external negativity. I was building a strong foundation that allowed me to stop seeking approval from others, and looking for others to fill the empty space within me.

A key concept I discuss in this episode is the importance of mental fitness, a practice rooted in Positive Intelligence. By building awareness of our inner saboteurs, we can shift from self-sabotage to self-love. One of the most powerful tools in this transformation is the cultivation and building on our inner ‘wise intuitive Sage’, within which includes empathy, self-awareness, understanding and compassion.

In my coaching work, I’ve found that empathy, the ability to show kindness to ourselves, is crucial in developing a healthy self-love practice. When we approach ourselves with empathy and kindness, we stop being overly critical and start treating ourselves with the same respect and care we would offer a friend.

Early in my coaching journey I became aware of the Pleaser programme, that deeply ingrained pattern of people-pleasing that prevented me from prioritising my own needs. It was stemming from a deep need for acceptance and love, and unmet needs from my past.

For many, the Pleaser saboteur runs on autopilot, leading us to overextend ourselves and neglect our own well-being. Learning to manage this saboteur was pivotal in reclaiming my self-love and energy.

It is also important to note that the strength of the Pleaser programme is empathy, which is also a Sage superpower. As an empath, giving is important to me, but I now know it was never meant to be at the detriment or demise of myself.

Self-love isn’t just about words or external gestures; it’s about creating lasting, internal empowering positive habits. The more I practiced self-love, the more empowered I felt to make healthier choices, set boundaries, and ultimately reclaim my happiness.

When I began speaking of self love, my elderly mum, who has always had a deeply ingrained pleaser programme, said to me “Patricia I don’t believe in self-love, it’s not good to be thinking and talking about yourself all the time”. This opened up a beautiful conversation with my mum about the major misconception that self-love is rooted in ego and is selfish. However, true self-love isn’t about vanity or arrogance or being self-absorbed; it is about embracing your unique essence.

When you truly love yourself you do not feel the need to prove yourself to or gain attention from anyone. It’s about moving beyond the ego’s demands for external validation and reconnecting with your true self. In reality, it’s essential for healthy mental and emotional wellbeing.

I am so proud of my mum that now aged 88 she understands this and has started the self-love journey herself. Listen out for Podcast episode 8, which airs on 18 March, called the Bees Knees, if you wish to hear about her journey. She is inspirational.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Love

• Practice daily self-compassion. Start by acknowledging your worth and treating yourself with kindness. Take small steps, like complimenting yourself or acknowledging all achievements small and big, it’s an important first step.

• Start creating healthy boundaries. A quote that I repeat regularly is “when you say yes to someone make sure you are not saying no to yourself”. It’s not about changing all your ‘yes’s to ‘no’s – the power is in the fact that you are consciously choosing them.

• Start a self-love journal. Reflect a quality you love about yourself each day. As you continue this practice, you can build a solid foundation of self-respect, appreciation and compassion. In addition, why not write yourself a love note at least once a week.

Conclusion

Remember, self-love is self-preservation. It allows you to reclaim your worth, stand up for yourself, and make empowered choices. The more you practice self-love, the more you’ll notice the positive changes in your life, as you begin to experience true freedom from external expectations.

Remember; you would not sabotage someone you truly loved, and you will not self-sabotage when you truly love yourself.

Connect with me if you feel ready for your self-love journey, and would like to benefit from a free 1 free (no obligation) session.

If you find this episode valuable, don’t forget to subscribe and share it with someone who might benefit from this empowering message.

I will be celebrating me and you this International Women’s Day on 8 March.