3 ways to be a better listener

Author Andreas Loizou shares three steps to better listening

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3 ways to be a better listener

4 minute read

Mirroring

Itโ€™s a given fact that people judge us โ€“ positively and negatively โ€“ by our posture. Whatโ€™s less known is that we can consciously alter our body language to build rapport with a speaker. Mirroring is a simple technique. When my dad had a stroke, I had to learn new ways to communicate with him. If he put his left hand up to his forehead, I did the same. He looked through the window at the daffodils and my gaze followed his. This isnโ€™t about โ€˜apeingโ€™ the person opposite you; itโ€™s about showing that youโ€™re connected to them.

Donโ€™t overuse mirroring, though. It can turn into copying, which is never a good look in an adult conversation.

Ask questionsโ€ฆ

In our personal lives, smart questions strengthen our relationships. In a work situation, questions can help to reduce mistakes, clear up any misunderstandings and build rapport. Itโ€™s good to actively encourage colleagues to express themselves. You may be in a rush to get the budget meeting done and dusted, and go and get that well-earned cup of coffee, but a minute spent asking, โ€˜How do you feel?โ€™ or, โ€˜What do you think about that?โ€™ will always be rewarding. People will be more open to you because youโ€™ve shown empathy towards them.

โ€ฆand listen to answers

The average person speaks at 150 words a minute, but listens at 450 words a minute. So we have spare brain capacity during any conversation. This is why we can often drift off and think about our to-do lists and holiday plans, when we should actually be paying attention to the fire drill. We are all busy and itโ€™s easy to get distracted, so try this. When people are talking about themselves, really listen to their answers. Donโ€™t judge the speaker or their words. Donโ€™t focus on your need to reply. Just listen.

Andreas Loizou is a writer, finance expert and author of The Devil’s Deal (Pearson, ยฃ14.99)

Photograph: Getty